Feast tonight

I went to Feast at Julie's house. The quotes just spoke to me! It was exactly what I needed to hear and it filled my soul with such happiness and understanding! Here's a few of the quotes that really stood out to me:

"O thou who art turning thy face towards God! Close thine eyes to all things else, and open them to the realm of the All-Glorious. Ask whatsoever thou wishest of Him alone; seek whatsoever thou seekest from Him alone. With a look He granteth a hundred thousand hopes, with a glance He healeth a hundred thousand incurable ills, with a nod He layeth balm on every wound, with a glimpse He freeth the hearts from the shackles of grief. He doeth as He doeth, and what recourse have we? He carrieth out His Will, He ordaineth what He pleaseth. Then better for thee to bow down thy head in submission, and put thy trust in the All-Merciful Lord."
-Abdu'l-Baha

"O people of God! Do not busy yourselves in your own concerns; let your thoughts be fized upon that which will rehabilitate the fortunes of mankind and sanctify the hearts and souls of men. This can best be achieved through pure and holy deeds, through a virtuous life and a goodly behavior. Valiant acts will ensure the triumph of this Cause, and a saintly character will reinforce its power. Cleave unto righteousness, O people of Baha! This, verily, is the commandment which this wronged One hath given unto you, and the first choice of His unrestrained Will for every one of you."
-Baha'u'llah

(and this last one is my favorite!!!)

"A drop of the billowing ocean of His endless mercy hath adorned all creation with the ornament of existence, and a breath wafted from His peerless Paradise that invested all beings with the robe of His sanctity and glory. A sprinkling from the unfathomed deep of His sovereign and all-pervasive Will hath, out of utter nothingness, called into being a creation which is infinite in its range and deathless in its duration. The wonders of His bounty can never cease, and the stream of His merciful grace can never be arrested. The process of His creation hath had no beginning, and can have no end.
-Baha'u'llah

Christina Aguilera Save ME From Myself

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

What is wrong with me?

You know how it feels when you had a relationship with someone and you really loved them and then it died and now that you're attempting friendship everytime they're near you can't help but notice how good they smell and how warm they are? That's how I feel every time he comes over.

<3 Sarah

Nevermind

I'm not moving out. There'd be no point. That would hurt me and my mom.

<3 Sarah

I was thinking about moving out

It'd be easier. I could go live with someone else and get a job and be able to live my life without feeling like a burden. I know Mom says I'm not, but I think I am. Not with attitude or anything, but with money. If I moved out, she'd have one less person to pay for, one less mouth to feed. The only problem is I have nowhere to go where I could be able to get to school or anything else. And I just have nowhere to go. It just seems like if my mom wasn't constantly buying stuff for me as well as Tim and Rhone, life would be easier. She'd have more money.

<3 Sarah

Apparently I'm a Psychopath

For hating football.

But football sucks! I hate watching people, mainly men, get so worked up over it. I know it gets so many guys into college but seriously, if they're not smart enough to get in without being a football star, they don't deserve be there. Football has become more important than who's running the country! That's just sad. Take my dad for example. He's going to be working weekends for the next three to four months so this was his last weekend to spend time with me. And his last weekend to watch football. He picked me up but guess what we've done? Watched football. It's like during football season I take a back seat in his life. It seriously sucks to know that his priorities are so fucked up.

<3 Sarah

Link for Ben Stein's article...

Go here to read the article!!!!

Continuance of last post....

"Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK. Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves." -An excerpt from Ben Stein's article

Does this mean we should spank our children? Does this mean that because Dr. Spock didn't spank his children his son committed suicide? No. His argument is illogical. Spanking children impresses upon the children that it is okay to hit when you're punishing. If they did something wrong, you hit them. That DOES warp their personalities. To back up my statement, I actually went online to find what doctors and psychiatrists say about corporal punishment. Here's on excerpt I found:
"Hitting a small child will usually stop misbehavior temporarily. However, other ways of discipline such as verbal correction, reasoning, and time-out work as well and do not have the potential for harm that hitting does. Hitting children may actually increase misbehavior. One large study showed that the more parents spanked children for antisocial behavior, the more the antisocial behavior increased (Straus, Sugarman, & Giles-Sims, 1997). The more children are hit, the more likely they are to hit others including peers and siblings and, as adults, they are more likely to hit their spouses (Straus and Gelles, 1990; Wolfe, 1987). Hitting children teaches them that it is acceptable to hit others who are smaller and weaker. “I'm going to hit you because you hit your sister” is a hypocrisy not lost on children."

The American Psychology Association posted an article called A Resolution to Encourage Parents and Caregivers of Children to Refrain from the Use of Corporal Punishment

The website explains everything.

Has God backed out?

I just got this email from my dad. It was a forward from a Jewish guy named Ben Stein talking about how he doesn't appreciate being pushed around because he believes in God. Understandable, of course. He believes this nation has come to worship celebrities over God and says he has no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. The Founding Fathers built this country off of religious beliefs. He says he is tired of being pushed around because of his beliefs. Then he mentions an interview with Billy Graham's daughter Anne Graham where she is asked "How could God let something like this happen?" Anne Graham answers "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

I disagree with this statement. God created us in His Own Image and gave us free will to chose whether we wanted him in our lives or not. Those that don't want him in their lives are the ones pushing those that do around. God has not backed out on us. We always have His blessing and His protection, it's just a matter of whether we accept it or not. Of course He is saddened by it, but that doesn't mean he's going to give up on us. He granted us free will. That doesn't mean if we chose not to have Him in our lives we don't have His blessing and His protection.

Deepest Desire

Kool-aid guy

PMS

I think I have pretty bad PMS.

I cry for no reason at the most random, bad times. My cramps stretch all around my sides and my back, i get migraines, and I feel constantly nauseous.

Oh yes, and cravings.

Anyone else have these issues?

<3 Sarah

I am so tired of high school petty drama!

Maybe it's not petty, but maybe it is. i really don't know. it's obnoxious and ruins relationships.

I'm happy with his head in my lap Jaynee, happy knowing he's there, happy knowing that i'm falling for him a little bit more every day, happy knowing that he still loves me more than anyone and anything, happy being able to have someone that knows me inside out and understands me, happy to know that he's holding me through the night, happy knowing he is perfect for me, happy to know he is my Jacob.

So if this pisses you off, Jaynee, I'm sorry. I still care about you no matter what. But I'm not going to trash probably my once chance at happiness because you're jealous. It's just not going to happen. If this doesn't work out, it's cool. I'll move on...eventually. It'll be hard going through that again, but worth it. You should be able to understand that. I doubt you'll even read this, but if you do, know that I wasn't trying to steal him from you. Of course I felt like this while y'all were dating. I kept it quiet, never saying a word to anyone. It'll surprise everyone, except Jennifer, of course. And probably Sarah.

The thing is, Jaynee, I'm not close with you. Not as close as with Jennifer, Sarah, Marcos, and Dez. I don't particularly like the way you've been treating people. but you know what, that's your problem. Unless you try to break us up, then you will be EXCOMMUNICATED. FRIED. THROWN OUT. DISMEMBERED. BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU HURT MY FRIENDS.

<3 Sarah

Retry of Last Post

I want to get a Celtic Wheel of Balance tattoo with the triquetra in it.
It's really cool

So I need to know about any relatively inexpensive tattoo artists that i could go to.

Please, comment your suggestions. Oh yeah, they have to be in Austin, of course

<3 Sarah

Where are the cheapest places?

Things Celtic

So yesterday I went to Things Celtic cause they were having a huge sale.  There was a band called the Silver Thread that played bagpipes and drums.  

For some reason, Celtic music with bagpipes and Irish/Scottish accents always makes me emotional.  I was sitting there listening and almost crying.  I had to chew on a straw so that I wouldn't start balling in front of a bunch of people.

Inside the store, there was all this stuff with Celtic and Irish blessings.  They had kilts and CDs of Celtic music.  They had marriage candles and they're cards were so sincere and personal.  It made me wish I was more in touch with my Irish background.  I plan on starting to wear like long skirts and I want to get Celtic tattoos.  Along with the angel wings, I might get the Triquetra which is the Trinity.  Not the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit but the Mother, The Maiden, and the Crone.  That'd be cool.  

I went on google afterward cause I wanted to know what all the different designs and symbols meant.  I found a website that does. symbols. 

I'm still looking at all the stuff and everything.  Maybe I'll get a more intricate tattoo but I want something kinda small to go with the angel wings I'm already planning on getting.  I want to go back to Things Celtic when I have a job and money.  Check out the store.

<3 Sarah

Life is Beautiful

Sometimes I think about life.

I think about how beautiful it is to go through hardships and then come out on top. Even when I come out on bottom i'm wonderfully happy. like this morning.

It's so freakin pretty outside! The perfect sun, no clouds, blueness, and everything is alive and happy! These are the kinda days that make me want to sing and dance! These are the days when I can actually feel God here.

It makes me so happy to know that I'm alive and yeah I have issues but who doesn't?

The sun'll come out tomorrow!

Wrestling

I was just watching WWE and realized how exciting it is!

I was watching Sarah's favorite wrestler, Jeff Hardy. It's funny how obsessed with him she is. I think he's pretty disgusting looking but he does have a certain dignity about him. Well, as much dignity as you can have while fake wrestling.

I think my favorite is the Undertaker because even though he's butt ugly, he's pretty fucking awesome. He just commands respect and fear.

Funny, cause I always thought wrestling was disgusting and a waste of time.

Whatever.

<3 Sarah

Nightmares

I've been having nightmares lately. Really scary, sometimes painful nightmares.

Sometimes I wake up crying.

Sometimes I wake up in pain or really really scared.

So I've started putting the radio on the classical music station and just listening to the sweet magic of pure music. It's absolutely beautiful. But it doesn't work.

Since that didn't work by itself, I've started taking an herbal antidepressant as well as listening to the music.

That helped a couple nights but the the nightmares came back. No matter what i've tried they keep coming back.

Usually I have them where I'm in River's head from Serenity on the planet Miranda. I can hear the silence of the dead. I can also hear the anger of the of the reavers
It's super scary and I hate it.

Any suggestions for how to get rid of this?

here's the tattoo, had issues the first time

The tattoo i want

i probably get it next year while im in Belize so no one can tell me no. but this is what i want. it's really cool. And apparently, women having an angel wing tattoo on their back is a sign that their soul is searching for purity. It's a divinity type of thing. so what do you think?

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Perfect by Alanis Morissette

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect

Seeing Will

So I saw my uncle today and Friday for the first time in the ten weeks since he's been in jail. or, as they like to call it "juvenile detention center". yeah, it's jail. he's lost weight, but other than that he hasn't changed much. he's a wannabe gangster like always, but he seemed more careful with his words. less cussing. he really acts like a normal teenage boy. with all the perverted jokes and mind in the gutter, loves gangsta rap, cars, very prideful. it's pretty ridiculous. but i still love him, of course. he seems more family oriented. more connected and wanting to be around everyone. he really missed us! he's only allowed to be out until his trial this coming friday, then he's going somewhere else. he's either going to the helpful place or this really non helpful place. hopefully the helpful place, right? no duh! anyway, ttyl, my blog....readers....

<3 Sarah

I just found this on my dad's laptop...wrote it a year ago.

I tried to smile, but there was only pain.

I tried to love, but there was only heartache.

I tried to forgive, but there was only betrayal.

I tried to forget, but there was only memory.

I tried to understand, but there was only confusion.

I tried to need, but there was only desire.

I tried to focus, but there was only distraction.

I tried to move, but there was only stillness.

I tried to speak, but there was only silence.

I tried to stare, but there was only blindness.

And you tell me to keep trying

And I force myself to continue,

And by the end of the day I’m in tears,

Drained, physically and emotionally

And you watch me fade

Never offering a hand to pull

Me out of this sudden darkness.

Ireland's Call by Celtic Thunder

They're so FUCKING AWESOME!!!

<3 Sarah

Recuerdame by Paul Byron

He's classically and beautifully trained

<3 Sarah

Desperado by Ryan Kelly

sweet and sad

<3 Sarah

The Island by Keith Harkin

Ooh he's beautiful!

<3 Sarah

Puppy Love by Damien McGinty

this kid is freakin fourteen!

<3 Sarah

My Boy by Celtic Thunder's George Donaldson

Isn't he amazing? Posting more of the other singers in a minute!

<3 Sarah

So um...yeah...

I am very peaceful and content even though I haven't eaten since Tuesday night. But that's okay, Jamie's taking me to her neighborhood barbecue. It seems like Dez and Sarah have grown apart. For a while Sarah and Jaynee were close but Sarah seems to not really want Jaynee around much anymore. Sarah and I are more alike than I thought. She got contacts and I realized just how beautiful her eyes are! It makes me very happy to think about. Oh and Jennifer got yahoo IM! So we can talk all the time!

<3 Sarah

All About Me

ALLLL ABOUT ME

BASICS
NAME: Sarah
DATE OF BIRTH: 7/22/91
BIRTHPLACE: ATX
CURRENT LOCATION: ATX
AGE: 17
HAIR COLOR: dark brown
EYE COLOR: deep green, hazel
HEIGHT: 5 2
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single
CHILDREN: none
OCCUPATION: none yet
TATTOOS: none yet
PIERCINGS: none yet
FAVORITES
BAND: Backstreet Boys
SONG: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
MOVIE: 10 Things I Hate About You
TV SHOW: Bones and House
DISNEY MOVIE: Lion King
CARTOON:
COLOR: red is the color of passion
FOOD: lettuce wraps
DRINK (ALCOHOLIC): no
SODA: dr. pepper
STORE: thrift stores!
CLOTHING BRAND: Candie's but really whatever the thrift store holds
SHOE BRAND: whatever's cute
SEASON: spring and summer
VACATION: Christmas
DAY OF WEEK: Friday
HOLIDAY: Halloween
BOARD GAME: i don't know
DO YOU
SMOKE CIGS: no
DRINK: no
CURSE: yes
PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: sort of
HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT: writing...
CAN YOU
COOK: some
SEW: not really
DRIVE: not yet
SING: yes
DANCE: some
SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE: some
TOUCH TONGUE TO NOSE: no
WHISTLE: no
HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN DRUNK: no
BEEN STONED/HIGH: no
BEEN IN LOVE: yes
EATEN SUHSI: ew yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL: yes
STOLEN SOMETHING: yes
BEEN ARRESTED: no

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Shirtless Soccer Players

I just watched She's the Man for the first time and if you don't know, the whole movie is about Amanda Bynes pretending to be her twin brother so she can play on a boy's soccer team and beat her stupid ex boyfriend. She ends up falling for the captain of the team. I realized I have a thing for grungy, shirtless soccer players. I mean, they're very hot covered in dirt and grass stains and with those lean muscles! And it's a good movie! Apparently it's based off of a Shakespeare play but I'm not sure which one. It might be the Tempest. I love Shakespeare, he's one of my heroes. I also enjoyed spending the time with Sarah Escobar. We don't get to hang out much, so that was cool. She's more girly than you think! We plan on having a soap opera weekend! I know, crazy, right? Anyway, I feel really giddy but I really wish there was someone here to hold me. A man, yes. That's one of the perks of being married-you never have to sleep alone. So after hanging out with Sarah I got home and realized that I haven't been home after school for two straight days and Rhone was awake and heard me come in and ran and hugged me! I really miss him sometimes! It makes me feel bad that I don't get to spend much time with him now that I'm in school. But you know what? I'm going to change that.

<3 Sarah

Addicted to emails

I am addicted to your emails.
I can't see you but I feel the
way you type the keyboard,
each letter forming words forming sentences
that soar through cyberspace
to land in front of my eyes.
Every idea parading into my thoughts
you're the reason I can't multi task
Why I never get anything done after
ten thirty.
I've tried to remedy this addiction,
I've told myself not to sign on,
not to fall victim to these simple
lines you write,
but every day at the same time
I find my body going against the will
of my brain and typing in my password,
watching the page come to life,
and searching for the little number 1
next to the inbox that tells me
you're here, you want to talk to me,
and I'm lost.

Windows

One step away from
kissing you I pause
My eyes sink deeper
into your black ones...searching
I find desire,
the barest emotion
parading along my lips
then to my chest,
lingering for a moment
on my hips.
Then I go under,
splaying my fingers,
exploring the sweentess
of your pain and
touching the outer
layers of your core
I feel you fear
widening your pupils
and I lick you lips
extracting what I
forgot to learn
and slowly, carefully
I give in to you

I wanna be Bella for Halloween

I wanna be Bella the night of her wedding to Edward.

So I need a dress from the 1800s. these are pictures of
some that I found online. I need something like these
but from a thrift store.

Angel

He calls me angel and tells me I can fly,
But I don't believe him,
I've spent too much time spiraling downward,
grasping the edges of my
broken life, trying to lift
up off this floor but my wings
have ripped and torn
and become useless,
leaving me with legs
holding me down with gravity,
suffocating me with
every breath
I inhale clouds of smoke,
Burning my throat,
But he calls me an angel and tells me i can fly
The desire is within me
driving me forward but
with every step I take
I fall backward,
I stand up again,
bruised, bleeding, begging
for this to end,
for my wings to finally work
Maybe I'm young,
maybe I'm still a baby
but even birds get pushed
out of nests and they learn
Why am I trapped here,
twigs snapping all around me
Eardrums bursting
tastebuds shriveling on
my tongue and there's nothing
left but my tears and my groping hand
and it catches
He calls me I'm an angel and tells me I can fly

I'll be by Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

Chorus:
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be your love suicide
and I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

Repeat Chorus

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said

Repeat Chorus

My Hair Color

So I want to dye my hair that color red with that color of blonde streaks in it.

What do you think?

It'll make my beautiful green eyes pop!

<3 Sarah